Sometimes when we go out with friends, we could be expected to pay the bill. Some thoughts immediately run through our head
- Do they only like me because they think I will pay?
- Do I say something?
- Will they hang out with me again if I don't pay?
Regardless, a real friendship should not result in anything one sided. A real friendship should have equity. If you feel like there is in inequity, it may be time to evaluate the friendship.
If you are constantly in situations where you are paying, here are some strategies:
A White (or not so white) Lie
- Say "that is not in my budget right now" or "I am a little low on funds" which will hopefully result in your friend saying "I can pay for my own" or "let's find something that does not cost too much money"
Positioning
- Make sure the friend that expects you to pay is in front of you in line (and hang back a little) so they have to pay for themselves - this could be at a movie theater or anything with a fee for entry
- Go to places for food that you have to order and pay at the counter so there is no single bill at the end. Avoid drive-throughs
Words
- Before you order, ask for separate checks or say "yes" when asked if separate checks are needed. It is unlikely the person with you will argue
- If it is a situation where there is one check and it ends up in front of you, say to your friend "can I Venmo you for your half of the check?" Be sure you have the Venmo app on your phone to support this request
- If they say "no" then say "OK, you can get the bill next time?"
- When the bill comes next time, remind them that it is their turn to pay
- Have a conversation about who pays for what. "Hey, if I buy an appetizer to split, do you want to pay for a dessert to split?" "Hey, let's do separate checks because I am really bad at math."
If you friend likes you for you, then paying should not be a hardship between you. If it is, either you need to re-evaluate the friendship or do activities that do not cost money.
